my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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