I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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