sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
its liver damage thursday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
