dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
