Sry I called you an 8
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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