I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
