Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
