I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My vagina just recognized that song.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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