I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The Olympian is in my bed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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