FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize