3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
