Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize