He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
