Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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