i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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