Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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