Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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