he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
