Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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