he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
