thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
