i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
