I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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