I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
