I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Randomize
