Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize