The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
