We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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