i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
my liver is dry heaving
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
