my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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