I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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