I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
