Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
