so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
