i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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