Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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