...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
