Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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