Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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