Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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