She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
