Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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