We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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