Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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