Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
