please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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