yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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