didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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