god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
