I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
