Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
