ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
