3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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