he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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