is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
