So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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