he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
