what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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