I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
