Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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