You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
