I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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