If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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