i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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