He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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