The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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